FOR THE FIRST TIME
I've never written a blog.
Well, I have, but it was under an alias because I didn't want my dad to know that I know all the things he hoped I would never know, let along, do.
This is the first time I'm signing my calm with my real name.
People who know me know that I always stand behind my words, but if I know my words will hurt, I try not to say them. Till I reach my limit, then, watch out. My words can be very painful.
I really don't know what to write for this first time.
"There isn't a second chance for a first impression." So true, so much pressure.
While I'm writing, I realize that it will only be suitable to write about all my first times for the first time, and I don't mean to my first fucks with someone.
Most of them, I can remember anyway).
There's something about a first time that is unique, an experience we can't recreate. We sometimes try to do that, but we are doom to fail, and once we do that, we destroy the sanctity of the memory.
With your permission, I'll try to write only about my first good times. The first time I'd rather forget, I'll leave it in my subconscious. Maybe some other time.
The first time I started walking was when I was a year and a half. A little late, but today I'm an expert, especially in walking out.
The first time I started talking was when I was 2 years and a half. Since a young age, I have preferred to talk only when I have a really smart thing to say.
The first time I started reading was when I was 4. I think that grants atonement on the fact that I started talking at a very late age.
The first time I learned English was when I was 5. My dad promised me that every day he would teach me another word. He started with "Apple" and ended with it. Till today, I really like apples.
The first time I realized that walking around with a bathing suit in public is a nightmare was when I was 6. I was a chubby kid, and I really didn't want anyone to know it. The nightmare, by the way, is still there for all the other times.
The first time I fasted was when I was 8. I fast every year in the Jewish "Yom Kippur," and my dad still tries to figure out what the f*#%.
The first time I lost someone I love was when I was 14. It was my grandfather, and till today it hurts me he can't see how I turned out (although I hope that there are some things he can't see from up there).
The first time I had a crush on a famous person was when I was 15. It was Patrick Swazi in "Dirty Dancing," and I used to watch it at least 5 times a day, till my mom decided that enough is enough and typed over it.
Till today my motto is: "Nobody tells baby what to do!"
The first time I kissed someone was when I was 15. There were two other girls with me in the room, but this is how it goes when you grow up in a kibbutz. Most of your first time is with other people.
The first time I decided I was a vegetarian was when I was 16. I worked in the kitchen, cleaned chickens, and suddenly looked to me like babies with no heads. There isn't a day that I don't want to put my teeth in a juicy piece of bloody an-tricot.
The first time I slept with someone was when I was 16 and a half. He was Dutch and a Christian, and I thought that all grown-ups' penises look like they have a blanket over them.
The first time my heart was broken was when I was 17. He left back to Holland. It was also the first time I realized that love ain't enough.
The first time I was on an airplane was when I was 17 and a half. My parents gave me a trip that included a month in Classic Europe because I was such a good student.
The first time understood life ain't so cozy was when I was 18. I went to the army, and right at the training time, I had a trial. After it, I had 12 more.
The first time I had a tattoo was when I was 19. I escaped the army, and when I got back, I was grounded for 2 months as a punishment. I have 5 more today. I wasn't grounded for them.
The first time I tried to free dive was when I was 19 and a half. I tried to overcome my fear of hight, which didn't work. Then, I also realized that there are no magic solutions, not even if you jump.
The first time I left my parents was when I was 20. I packed a bag and went to work in a hotel far away. There I also discovered that not all people that look nice are really are.
The first time I was fired was when I was 21. After that time came many others. This time I also understood that people don't like it when you think differently than them. Especially when those people are your bosses.
The first time I saw New York was when I was almost 22. I fell in love with her the minute I saw her, and 6 years later I left her with tears in my eyes. Till today she is my true everlasting love.
The first time I got married was when I was 22 and a half. We got married at City Hall in NYC, and I didn't even know his parents.
The first time I ate sushi was when I was 24. Since then, I'm addicted.
The first time I got my Bachelor's degree was when I was 26. I think this was one of the moments my dad was most proud of me. Till today he still waits for me to get my Ph.D.
The first time I was at Disney World was also when I was 26. My parents took me there because I finished my degree with great excellence. I'm definitely going back there.
The first time I lived in Tel Aviv was when I was 28. I came back from New York, and for 6 months, I still opened the menus from left to right and couldn't understand why the menu starts with the deserts.
The first time I got divorced was when I was 29. It just didn't work out. I wonder if it's ever.
The first time I was with a real famous person was when I was 30. Here I found out that things are not as they seem. They are usually worse.
The first time I decided to be independent was when I was 31. I've realized that I'm probably the only one that can't fire myself. Unlike others, I have to deal with myself.
The first time I went, backpacking was when I was 32. India, Nepal, and Thailand were amazing. I just have to go back there. Especially to Thailand.
The first time that I'm writing a blog is now when I'm 34. It is also the first time I'm going to sign it with my real name. If my dad reads it,
I will just tell him someone is using my name.
See you the second time.
Ofri (oh, that's not too bad)...